Beliefs About Finding Love in Marriage

Beliefs about experiencing love in marriage by Danielle Napolio Cox

What if I told you that all you’ve seen and heard about love is a lie?

A look at how everything from Hollywood movies to New York Times best-sellers have misled us into a false reality of how we experience love in marriage.

There is a popular sentiment that marriage is the joining together to two imperfect souls to form one unified whole.  In fact, the movie Jerry Maguire reaches its climax when the main character declared his love with the words, “You complete me.”  

The message shared in this love story, and countless others like it, is that we are incomplete beings who must find the missing piece in order to feel whole.  When we find the person who completes us, we will finally have the love and connection we’ve been searching for.

But this could not be further from the truth.  We are not incomplete souls. We are perfectly whole creatures.  The feeling of incomplete brokenness we feel is from the disconnection we feel within ourselves.  To protect ourselves from hurt and pain, we shut down a part of ourselves. And then spend our lives trying to find someone or something to fill that void.

What really happens when we meet someone who “completes” us is that they trigger our ability to reconnect to our emotions.  We attribute the love and happiness to the other person when it actually exists entirely within us.

This is great news because it means that we are not at the whim of another person to decide when and how we experience love.  We can look for the moments in our marriage that trigger our feelings of love.

One of the easiest ways to reconnect with the love within us is with gratitude.  Gratitude always connects us to the love within us. Be intentional about finding ways in which you can love an appreciate your husband.  An easy way to get started is with practicing gratitude. Developing a daily gratitude habit can bring your feelings of love back into your marriage.

I’ll be honest and admit that I struggled with this for years in my own marriage.  My husband travels a lot for his company. This means that in addition to running a business, I am also in charge of running our home while he is away.  Dinner, homework, activities all become my responsibility and over time, I became resentful. I felt like I was carrying the burden alone a lot of the time.  

When I started to practice daily gratitude, I started  to see his work trips through the lens of love. My husband does not like to be away.  These trips are not fun for him. But he puts aside his personal preferences so that he can provide for our family.  It’s how he loves us. Now when he leaves, I feel love and appreciation towards him. My gratitude allows me to connect to the love within me so that I can extend that love to my husband.

I encourage you to look for opportunities to appreciate your husband.  It will allow you to reconnect to the love within you so that you can experience that love in your marriage.  

You are a completely whole being capable of experiencing love and happiness on your own.  The love and connection you desire already exists within you.

Come back next week when I will continue sharing insights and suggestions on how you can overcome loneliness and restore connection in your marriage.

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